Crossing the Line by Joan McCue

Discipline Disappointments

jtmccue — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 14:51:51 +0000

As the parent of one “and an almost” teenagers, I find myself wrestling almost daily with disciplinary issues. When, for example are my little adolescent bundles of hormones simply spreading their wings a bit, engaging in normal teen behavior, and when have they really crossed the line and earned some form of punishment? How much is too much, or, too little?

Today’s subject is a situation that still leaves me baffled. Back in April, my oldest daughter went on a long-anticipted high school trip. This particuar trip has been going on for years, and due in part to the respect the students have for the teachers who run it and in part to the nature of the type of student who goes on the trip, there has NEVER been a problem. In the months leading up to the trip, parents are expected to attend a couple of manadatory meetings that explain things like trip security, itineraries, and of course, student behavioral expectations and consequences for those who don’t meet those expectations. It is stressed to parents and students alike that if students do not follow the rules, they will be sent home from the trip, at the parents’ expense, no ifs, and or buts. Clear, right? Evidently, not so much.

Without going into detail, a group of students violated these expectations in a very big way. Their actions impacted the 125 or so other students on the trip, costing them valuable time at the destination, and damaging the group’s reputation and that of our school and our town. I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this, but the offenders were not sent home, and in fact, after the trip thought it was all in great fun to post their escapades on Facebook. On top of that, it appeared, anyway, that disciplinary action taken once they returned home was nonexistent to minimal. When questioned, the school principal cites “student confidentiality” as the reason why she cannot let anyone know how these children were (or were not) punished and why the rules were not upheld.

What this lack of follow-through has done is undermine the authority of the teachers responsible for the trip as well as the school administration and taught 135-ish high school students that the rules don’t apply to them. Great, just great. What’s a parent to do when those charged with disciplining students don’t do it? What would you do?

Until Next Time,

Joan

So Why am I Dressed Up Today Even Though I Work from Home?

jtmccue — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 15:18:06 +0000

One of the oft-touted perks of working from home is the fact that I can work in my beloved Levis, sweats, or even my PJs if I prefer. Lately, the work flow has slowed to a trickle, and I was doing some thinking earlier this morning about how I can give myself a little motivational shot in the arm. I was reminded of a coffee date I had a short time ago with another freelancer. I arrived in my standard writer’s uniform of jeans and a button-down shirt and the woman I was meeting (you may recognize yourself!) came in wearing a suit. I was pretty embarrassed and hoped she didn’t think my casual attire reflected how I valued her time, and said as much. She replied that even on days when she’s not seeing clients, she makes it a habit to dress professionally because it makes her feel more professional; reminds her that she has a job to do.

So, on this cloudy Monday morning, I bypassed my cozy denim and reached into the closet for a pair of dressy tweed pants and a sweater; donned my pearls and even treated myself to a couple squirts of perfume. I did, however, draw the line at heels–even in my last corporate job, I usually kicked off my shoes under my desk. I have to run an errand in town in a little bit and instead of my trusty North Face fleece that needs to spend some time with Mr. and Mrs. Kenmore, I will make it a point to put on my wool coat and a scarf. I may just be going to the grocery store for bread and cold cuts, but we ladies (and maybe the men too) know that when you are dressed well, you carry yourself differently, you face the day a little bit differently, take yourself a little bit more seriously, and, hopefully, that attitude will be communicated to clients, contacts, editors, and readers alike.

Did it work? Well, I wrote this post didn’t I?

Until Next Time,

Joan

Michael Phelps Inhaled and May Have Imploded

jtmccue — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 13:24:59 +0000

My older daughter is a huge Michael Phelps fan. Her Facebook page is filled with bumper stickers depicting his Olympic feats and she reads everything about him that she can get her hands on. She even devoted one of her summer writing assignments to the technology behind the bathing suit he wears. Imagine her (and my) disappointment over the publication of the photo of him that appeared recently in the news.

I’m often accused of being too inflexible and over the top with my attitude toward drugs, but I won’t apologize for it nor deviate from it. It’s a simple one, and to quote one of my favorite Irish pub songs, “No, Nay, Never,” about sums it up. The latest news is that Phelps may face criminal charges for his “indiscretion.” I say, “Good.” It’s about time an athlete and role model was called on the carpet for his/her behavior instead of it being brushed under said carpet. Was it a simple mistake made by a 23 year-old who, more than likely over the years had to give up a lot of the shenanigans his peers were engaging in to reach his Olympic goals? Yup. But, when he accepted those medals under our flag, collected his endorsements, and made the rounds of the talk shows, he did not receive immunity from the law. He wasn’t granted the right to tarnish the image of Olympic athletes. And, whether he asked for this responsibility or not, he is a role model to lots of children, and that’s something he clearly forgot about. Is Phelps being made an example of? Yes, and it’s about time. He crossed the line.

Until Next Time,

Joan

Happy New Year!

jtmccue — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 16:04:58 +0000

I’m sitting at my desk, sipping my “too many-th” cup of coffee and watching the snow come down in earnest outside my window. My oldest daughter is at work; the younger one is still sleeping and my husband is heading out to take care of some errands. While New Year’s Eve hasn’t meant dressing up and dancing until dawn for me for a lot of years now, there’s still something about this day that sets it apart from others. It always causes me to become introspective, look ahead to the following year and <> think about setting some goals. Maybe because my birthday falls in January, too, this time of year has particular significance for me.

However you’re planning to ring out 2008 and welcome 2009, I hope you do it safely and happily without crossing the line.

Until Next Year,

Joan

I Don’t Typically Discuss Politics, But . . .

jtmccue — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 13:58:42 +0000

On the morning after this historic election, I will make an exception. While the results panned out about how I expected they would, I couldn’t help but hold out hope that somehow, the values on which this country was built would prevail. I held out hope that respect and love for this country and its flag, and service to both, would prevail. While I certainly don’t think John McCain was a stellar candidate, not by a long shot, I don’t understand how anyone could doubt his patriotism, his devotion to our country, and his genuine intent to ultimately do what is right for the United States, based on our founding fathers’ goals and his own experience as a leader on a national level.

I am saddened and even frightened that our country’s values have led us to a day when we have elected a man as commander in chief who does not place his hand over his heart and pledge allegiance to our flag.

My fervent hope now is that I am dead wrong. I hope that Mr. Obama will rally this country, will get people to sit up and take notice, take an interest and take a stand. I hope that a sense of morality and Godliness and a belief in what is right will return to our great nation. I hope that we have not painted a huge bull’s eye on our shores. I hope that this country’s moral compass has not been irrevocably reset-a process begun two administrations ago when the man charged with setting that moral compass defiled the Oval Office.

As an American, it is my duty and my calling to respect the office of the president and the man who holds the title and I will. But I fear that the old adage, “be careful what you wish for,” may hold true now, and with devastating fall-out. Again, I pray I’m wrong, and hope we haven’t crossed a line that will have life-changing consequences for every American.

Until Next Time.

Rosie Exists!!

jtmccue — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 17:49:53 +0000

Okay, I’ll admit it, I’m a little behind on my reading. Last night I picked up the May issue of More magazine, which had been sitting in the slush pile on my desk, since, well, May. I was flipping through it and I came across a piece called, “I Was the Girl in the Song: Four Famous Names from Rock History Fess Up,” by Peter Knobler [Now for those of you who don't know me, it's important to point out that I am a huge Bruce Springsteen fan. I love my husband, but he and I have an agreement. If Bruce ever beckons, I'm free to cross the line, no questions asked. Hasn't happened yet but a girl can dream].

My first thought was, “what a cool assignment!” I started to flip the pages and met Judy Blue Eyes, Rikki (as in Rikki Don’t Lose that Number) and [My] Sharona. On the last page I came to, the pull-quote jumped off the page at me: “Bruce and I tucked around behind a rock and started kissing.”

“NO. DON’T TEASE ME,” I thought. Sure enough, that quote was attributed to one Diane Lozito, who was the inspiration for Rosalita. Seems that Diane met Bruce one night in 1971 when she went to hear him play. Since Bruce didn’t drink or get high, (I knew he was good boy) they wound up tucking around that rock on the beach after hours. She and Bruce co-habitated for quite some time, even though “I know your daddy don’t dig me ‘cus I play in a rock and roll band,” during which he wrote such classics as “Spirit in the Night,” “Backstreets,” etc. When Diane asked why she wasn’t in any of them, Bruce replied, “nothing rhymes with Diane.”

Fast forward a bit, and Bruce meets Diane’s grandmother, Rose Lazito. In that part of New Jersey, the name was pronounced Lazita, so she was Rose Lazita. Ah.

Diane left Bruce (silly, silly girl) in 1975, just as Bruce was finishing Born to Run. Years later, she visited Bruce at his hotel after a concert. As he opened his arms wide for a hug, she whispered, “That man behind me is my husband.” Bruce replied, “Ewwwww!” Is he adorable or what? One of the newer musicians on the tour asked who she was, and why everybody was hugging her. Someone replied, “You know who that is? That’s Rosalita!”

Diane’s photo shows a fair-skinned brunette with shoulder-length hair cut in long layers and wearing a very classically cut silk dress. If I was only 15 years older, IT COULDA BEEN ME!

Until Next Time,

Joan

No Refunds, No Exchanges? No Problem.

jtmccue — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 14:02:32 +0000

Despite the fact that I think concert ticket prices have gone way, way beyond where they should be, I can’t help myself, and like to see a couple of big name concerts each year. Fans are pretty much limited to using Ticketmaster to satisfy their desire to see Bruce or Elton or Jon; Carrie or Tim or (don’t tease me!) Garth.

I bought tickets to a very popular concert via TicketMaster online, congratulating myself on my “score.” Much to my consternation, when the tickets arrived in the mail, they were marked, “Restricted View,” a detail that wasn’t disclosed when I clicked “buy now.” I immediately called Ticketmaster and told them that while I understood their “No Exchanges, No Refunds” language, I never would have purchased the tickets in the first place had they been upfront about the restricted view. It took asking to speak to a supervisor, keeping a civil tongue in my head, and just politely stating my case, but ultimately, I was able to return the tickets and received a full refund.

I’ve also gotten a refund from Priceline when a hotel I was assigned made the Bates Motel look like the Taj Mahal and managed to return an electronics purchase to a “big box” because it was missing the owner’s manual and they insisted I couldn’t return the item because I didn’t have the manual (no I’m not making that one up).

What’s the common denominator? In each of these “I’m stuck” consumer situations, I stayed firm but polite, refused to take no for an answer and came across as reasonable and (relatively) sane. It may have taken some serious deep cleansing breaths to stop myself from Crossing the Line, but in the end, the merchants came over to my side.

Have any similar consumer triumphs to share? I’d love to hear them.

Until Next Time,

Joan

The Economy is Crossing the Line; Will I Have To?

jtmccue — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 12:42:25 +0000

I heard a statistic on the news yesterday about how high a percentage of Americans are stressed over their finances–duh! I stopped at the grocery store yesterday with my teen to pick up a couple of bottles of soda and some plastic cups for a party she was headed to. She mentioned she had a headache so I threw a small bottle of Excedrin in the cart, too. When I hit the “total” button on the self-checker machine, I was shocked that these few items came to $25!

We’ve all been feeling the pinch at the gas pump for some time now, but the residual effect of fuel prices is really starting to hit home–EVERYTHING has gotten more expensive from groceries to clothes to sheets and towels. Even the $.99 store brand pretzels I buy are up to $1.29.

We heard from our oil company the other day about fuel costs for the winter–our “budget” payment is going to go up $200 a month, and my husband’s salary is, well, let’s just say not going anywhere, lol.

It’s frightening to say the least. For the first time in 15 years, I find myself facing the very real possibility that I will have to return to working outside the home. I don’t mean a “fun” retail job just to get me out a little bit and gets me some pin money; I mean a real, honest-to-God panty hose and heels job.

I’m not afraid to work; in fact, it would probably do my brain and my soul a world of good. But, what will it mean for my family? My girls are used to me being home when they get home from school (or just a few minutes behind them) or always being available if they are sick or have forgotten something or have some other crisis during the day. When they were infants, I couldn’t have imagined leaving them in daycare, but now that they are in middle school and high school, I feel it’s more important than ever that I be around for them.

I’m angry that something so nebulous as “THE ECONOMY” can wreak such havoc on my day-to-day to life. How do you fight something that you don’t really understand to begin with? How do you defend yourself against something you can’t control? How do you deal with a situation you are in through no fault of your own?

Until Next Time,

Joan

What’s Your Parenting Footprint?

jtmccue — Fri, 16 May 2008 14:35:17 +0000

Three nights ago, I attended a town meeting of sorts at my daughter’s middle school. The back story is that a couple of months ago our school superintendent and the middle school principal attended a PTO meeting to answer questions about the middle school and were confronted by a group of parents who had real, heartfelt, serious concerns about various aspects of our 6th through 8th graders’ school experience. These concerns had less to do with academics per se and were more focused on the perceived negativity that pervades the school, the fact that the kids have to have assigned seating at lunch, and that if a parent questions a teacher, the child will feel the repercussions. In other words, you had a room full of pissed-off moms, a principal who no doubt felt like a deer in the headlights, and a superintendent who was trying to navigate that fine line between supporting his administrator and being sympathetic to our concerns.

This meeting the other night came out of that first one. We were instructed to submit our questions and concerns ahead of time so that the administrators and faculty could prepare answers. The superintendent would act as moderator and our concerns would be addressed.

If nothing else, the meeting helped the middle school administration’s image a little bit, as this is the first time I can recall (this is my second child to go through middle school) that they were willing to actually listen to our concerns without immediately becoming defensive and circling the wagons, shutting parents out. I have always been a vocal critic of this particular administration, but after that meeting, while I can’t say I’ve softened my stance, I think I at least gained a partial understanding of where their position comes from.

What left the biggest impression on me is what I learned about some of my fellow parents. When questioned about the school’s dress code, for example, the principal shared that many times she has called home when a student is dressed inappropriately for school, only to be met with a response like, “who are you to tell me what my child can wear?” Likewise, when she has called home when a student is seen just wandering around the campus (which is shared with our high school) after school with no place to be but in trouble, the reply is often, “it’s a public place, what’s the problem?”

Wow.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I am so embarrassed by my generation of parents. There seems to be a blatant disregard for rules, authority and a basic sense of right and wrong, and I don’t know where it comes from. A good friend, also present at the meeting, sums it up this way. She feels that the almighty dollar has become so precious, so important to these parents, that anything that might interfere with the work day is just seen as a common annoyance; a fly to be swatted away. Are we so stressed out, so overworked, so over-extended that we are neglecting the most important job of all? What kind of future leaders are we raising? What will our grandchildren be like if we are not instilling those values, that respect for authority, that sense of right and wrong in our children? Never mind global warming and our carbon footprint. It’s our parenting footprint, or lack thereof we need to worry about.

Did the Authorities Cross the Line in Texas?

jtmccue — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 15:41:26 +0000

I watched interviews last night on Nightline and again this morning on Good Morning America with three women who live on the polygamist compound in Texas that’s been in the news. Talk about a video oxymoron; here are these three wholesome-looking, immaculately clean women dressed in simple clothing who look like poster children for the Amish. Then, they start to speak. With haunting voices devoid of emotion, they spoke of missing their children, loving their children, and described their ranch as “heaven on earth.” Brainwashed or drugged, I can’t be certain, but these women are real, true-life Stepford Wives, and they are frightening. Or rather, whatever it is that has shaped them is frightening.

I cannot imagine living a life that must be so controlled, so contrived, so isolated and so ingrained, that there is no question that there might be other options. My heart broke for them, and for their children. Regardless of how these children came to even be, they are still children, and their mothers love them with all their hearts and miss them with a pain that only a mother could know. That much managed to push its way through the almost catatonic cloud enveloping the women; these are mothers whose children have been taken away and they are wracked with grief.

One may argue that the hundreds of children removed from the compound were in harm’s way. BUT, this is the only life these children have ever known; what must it be like for them to be thrust into the foster care system, made to live with people, who dress, speak and act so differently from what they know? If indeed, life in the compound is “heaven on earth,” then are these poor children now living in some kind of hell? I am keeping them in my prayers.

I don’t know what the answer is here, and I’m sure we’ll be learning more. Did the authorities cross the line?

Until Next Time,

Joan McCue